Stinky Teens

Dear WitterPitted,
     What is the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower?

-Cheryl L.

Dear Cheryl,
     The best way is to force them to take a bath.  You force people to take baths. You do this: you make them get naked and then you try to pick them up and put them in the bath.  The end.

-Emmeline (4)

Dear Cheryl,
     You should say,"If you're smelly, then people will think that you smell gross, because you are, and you'll kind of feel sad because they might plug their nose and walk away while they're playing with you."  Oh, and after that you say this,"Blood, blood, blood, their organs.  kill, kill, KILL!"

-Audrey( 7)

Dear Cheryl,
     Tell them to take a shower or they lose privileges, like things they like to do, like playing outside, playing the computer, or video games.

-Thomas( my cousin, 13)

Dear Cheryl,
     The best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is to tell them that they smell horrible, and if they want any more friends or to get married, then they'd better take a shower.

-Clara (8)

Dear Cheryl,
     I think the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is:
1. Tell them that you won't wash their clothes until they shower.
2. Tell them they'll have to walk to school until they take a shower every morning, as you do not want their stench in the car.
   
-Amy (11)
( Note from Becky:  I find Amy's answer to be particularly interesting since I do not wash her clothes for her and she walks to the bus to get to school. She has been showering daily without any threats needed for several months now.)

Dear Cheryl,
     Teenagers really actually don't like being dirty. So what you do is you say,"You can either go take a shower, or you can go outside and play in the mud and get super super dirty and then go to bed like that tonight." Because, everyone knows that it is really horrible to go to bed super dirty.        
-Tim (13)

Dear Cheryl,
     I think I have identified your problem. Your teenagers are secretly cats. They hate getting wet.  The best way to get them to take a shower is to throw rubber mice in the shower. Then tell them there is food in the shower. Wink.  And then run away!  Run away!

-Reuben (15)

Dear Cheryl,
      Teenagers are supposed to take showers?  That explains the smell in the basement.  Okay, okay, seriously, I can understand this being a problem.  I have two teenagers.  They do smell. Sorry, boys, but it is true.  Usually, as a parent, I like to take a positive approach to help my kids make good choices. Rather than say to my children,"You smell like a port-a-potty that bred with a dead rat. Go take a shower or you don't get dessert tonight."  I prefer to say something like this,"My dear child. Your stink doth offend me.  Pray, go and shower before the evening meal, and you shall be rewarded with sweet meats and cream."

Please don't throw tomatoes at me when I tell you that I don't usually have a problem getting my boys to shower.  When they started to need deodorant I told them," You have to take a shower every day now. You can pick morning or night. You have to wash your hair and use soap on your body. I'm going to be sniffing you, so no getting wet and not actually washing. You smell bad and people are going to make fun of you if don't shower everyday.  Maybe it won't happen tomorrow.  Maybe not next week.  But, it will happen.  I promise."  And, no, this knowledge is not from personal experience, but from watching the cruelty of Junior High for the few teenagers who didn't get on the clean bandwagon.  Soap. It's cool.  Use it.  We had the talk once.  And now they shower. But, if they are ever feeling reluctant, a haircut, without a protective towel, is always sure to lead to a shower. They just can't stand the little hairs all over them! Mu ha ha!

-Becky (36)

Dear Cheryl,

Teenagers, by and large, are self-absorbed, ego-centric creatures by design. In fact, teaching teens sympathy and empathy for others is, perhaps, the greatest thing we as adults can do to help them develop character as they suffer through the trials of acne, Jr. High, and peer pressure. Most teens are trying out new ideas, thoughts, and self-expression as quickly as small children change outfits in a day. Ideally, teens would take showers more often by appealing to the effect their stench has on all the rest of us, and they would comply because they love us and want to consider our feelings.

However, this rarely works. Instead, you must appeal to that self-centered nature and suggest that their failure to shower will offend some other person near and dear to them - a friend, or girlfriend - or that it will have horrible consequences that will immediately injure one of their current interests, for instance, that they will be fired from their job for not showering, thereby cutting off their money, or they do not get allowance this week because the money they would have received was spent by the family on air fresheners!

Water-balloon fights with shampoo and soap in the balloons might work too.

Judd (38)

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