Dear WitterPitted,
How do I get my children to stop going outside in their socks?
-Lesley G.
Dear Lesley,
You say, "I'll read you a story every night if don't go outside in your socks anymore!" and then I think they will stop going outside in their socks anymore. Um, and, I wanted to say, uh, that, and if they don't promise you they won't go outside in their socks anymore then you'll just punish them. The End.
-Emmeline (4)
Dear Lesley,
Tell them not to because you've never told them, and they'd obey, and you should tell them WHY!
-Audrey (7)
Dear Lesley,
Tell them that if they keep on doing it, they'll have to wash their socks themselves, without using the washing machine or the drying machine- hand wash them! That's all.
-Clara (9)
Dear Lesley,
From unfortunate experience I have learned that you can't unless you stop washing their socks.
-Amy (11)
Dear Lesley,
The only way to do it is to put large amounts of gravel all over your yard. A couple days, and trips to the doctor later, your problems will be solved.
-Reuben (15)
Dear Lesley,
Hmm, this is really a tough question. I haven't figured it out yet. When I read the question to Emmeline, she said,"Is this because I kept going out in one sock to cover my wart?" Luckily, the days of the one sock are over due to the wart being cured. However, the pressing question remains,"How DO I get my kids to stop going outside in their socks?" I have a few ideas that might work, or might just bring a little levity( for you anyway) to the situation:
1. Secretly take away all of the socks that do not have holes. When the children eventually complain about having nothing but holey socks, explain that you are tired of buying new socks because they keep ruining their socks by wearing them outside. Offer to give them back their socks for one more chance at behaving properly. As soon as someone breaks the rule and is caught "socked" but not "shoed" take away all the good socks( just for that child) again for an extended period of time. REPEAT.
2. Decide how frequently you feel it is appropriate to purchase new socks. Personally, I think about twice a year for active children should be adequate. Tell your kids your plan and then stick to it. Explain to them that they won't be getting new socks for six months, at least not at your expense, and remind them that wearing socks outside leads to holes. Then, let them suffer the consequences. Don't say anything. Don't do anything. Let them wear holey socks.
3. If nothing but a drawer full of holey socks is not a deterrent to your children, your tactics might need to intensified. Every time you see a child outside in socks, immediately confiscate the offending articles ( the socks). You must do this every time. Then allow your children to purchase back the socks. You might charge 50 cents or even $1.00 per pair. If your child is penniless, offer up a chore that you feel is equal to the cost of the fine, something that you really don't want to do.
Good luck with your sock battles. We'd love to know how it goes!
-Becky (36)
Dear Lesley,
Every time a child goes out in their socks, take the sock away and make a sock puppet out of it, complete with googly eyes, etc.... Eventually, the child will stop going outside with only socks on, because all of the socks the child owns will be puppets.
Or, take all of the child's socks away. Eventually, they will get tired of never having socks, and will either change the habit, or start stealing socks, which could end-up in Juvenile delinquency.
Whatever you decide to do, never buy a child new socks who refuses to take them off before ruining them. If they persist, they will wear socks with holes. If they do not mind wearing socks with holes, then cut holes in their shorts/pants and shirts too, so that their entire outfit matches.
-Judson( 39)
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Get a Little Closer
Dear Witterpitted,
How can I be closer to my spouse?
-D.G.
Dear D.G.,
No, The question is ,"How do you force a little girl to take a bath?" I want that to be the question.
Ok. I don't know what to say. If you are, um, at night, if you and daddy are sleeping on your side of the bed, and you want to feel closer to each other, just scootch closer and hug each other, without anyone even knowing it. And then in the morning, when you wake up, you figure out that you are hugging each other. When, um, like, Bailey wants to feel closer to her mom, she could ask her if she could sleep with her mom. That's all. The end.
-Emmeline(4)
Dear D.G.,
Spend time together. Play games with each other. Play grown up things together, like Yahtzee. Watch movies together, like Studio C. Finish cleaning so you can spend more time together.
- Audrey (7)
Dear D.G.,
You don't.
-Clara(9)
Dear D.G.,
Maybe you can try to do the things that your spouse likes occasionally. If you are a newlywed you can get to know them by just asking them , and learn to communicate. You can still do this after a long marraige.
- Amy (11)
Dear D.G.,
Step one, Walk towards spouse.
You are now near them.
Step two, Take a step forward, you are now closer! Congratz!
-Tim(13)
Dear D.G.,
Simple instructions:
Step one. Approach spouse.
Step two. Move closer to spouse.
Step three. Pat yourself on the back. Your'e done! :D
-Reuben(15)
Dear D.G.,
One of my favorite people once said,"Work is the miracle by which talent comes to the surface and dreams become reality." -Gordon B. Hinckley. If you want something, it takes work, especially if you want to be closer to someone who seems to have come from another planet. Men and women tend to be very different from each other, yet we also tend to gravitate towards each other and even mate and reproduce. Weird. Anyway, after all that, it can be hard to stay close, what with those miniature reproductions being so demanding. I'm no expert, but I have a few ideas. Make a commitment to change one thing, to show your spouse love in the way that he/she wants to be loved, such as quality time, service, physical affection, words of affirmation, or gifts. Then, do it. It takes work. It might feel unnatural. It probably will feel unnatural. Do it anyway. Nobody likes to change poopy diapers, but it's the vast amount of time that we spend serving our stinky little babies that makes us love them. It's the same with spouses, even when you don't feel like it, it's still a good idea. And just like a stinky diaper, marriages need attention daily, or things just might turn ugly. You probably wouldn't dream of depriving your children of food. Your spouse needs attention too, and not just food and water. He/She needs to know that you love him/her, every day. So, figure out your his/her love language( hopefully it isn't gifts, we don't need hoarding or debt) and do something consciously every day to communicate love in his/her love language.
-Becky (36)
Dear D.G.,
The best way to get closer to your spouse is to serve them. Not just breakfast in bed, and not just during a game of tennis, but everyday, in ways that are important to them. This can be easy, when you and your spouse are compatible in the love languages you speak - and can be very difficult, if the love and service you show is not recognized or received by your spouse because they prefer to be loved and served in a different way.
Another way to become closer to your spouse is to go through a trial with them. This can be something that just happens, or, feel free to create one on your own. For instance, "accidentally" hitting your spouse with your car is sure to break a few bones, and then, you will get to nurse them back to health with all manner of service. They will grow in love and appreciation for you. Slowly poisoning your spouse into sickness, only to help them get better, might also do the trick. Or, calling your spouse's boss repeatedly with annoying remarks until your spouse loses his/her job could create the precise type of financial difficulty you need to bond with and get closer to your spouse, as you eat whatever leftovers you can find in your refrigerator, or the refrigerators of your extended family. Think of the incredible memories you will make together being so hungry, that you are forced to crash wedding receptions every night of the week to simply survive! And in the winter, you can have your water turned off and melt snow in a pan in the house for all of your needs. As they say, these are the best times of your life.
Judd - (38)
How can I be closer to my spouse?
-D.G.
Dear D.G.,
No, The question is ,"How do you force a little girl to take a bath?" I want that to be the question.
Ok. I don't know what to say. If you are, um, at night, if you and daddy are sleeping on your side of the bed, and you want to feel closer to each other, just scootch closer and hug each other, without anyone even knowing it. And then in the morning, when you wake up, you figure out that you are hugging each other. When, um, like, Bailey wants to feel closer to her mom, she could ask her if she could sleep with her mom. That's all. The end.
-Emmeline(4)
Dear D.G.,
Spend time together. Play games with each other. Play grown up things together, like Yahtzee. Watch movies together, like Studio C. Finish cleaning so you can spend more time together.
- Audrey (7)
Dear D.G.,
You don't.
-Clara(9)
Dear D.G.,
Maybe you can try to do the things that your spouse likes occasionally. If you are a newlywed you can get to know them by just asking them , and learn to communicate. You can still do this after a long marraige.
- Amy (11)
Dear D.G.,
Step one, Walk towards spouse.
You are now near them.
Step two, Take a step forward, you are now closer! Congratz!
-Tim(13)
Dear D.G.,
Simple instructions:
Step one. Approach spouse.
Step two. Move closer to spouse.
Step three. Pat yourself on the back. Your'e done! :D
-Reuben(15)
Dear D.G.,
One of my favorite people once said,"Work is the miracle by which talent comes to the surface and dreams become reality." -Gordon B. Hinckley. If you want something, it takes work, especially if you want to be closer to someone who seems to have come from another planet. Men and women tend to be very different from each other, yet we also tend to gravitate towards each other and even mate and reproduce. Weird. Anyway, after all that, it can be hard to stay close, what with those miniature reproductions being so demanding. I'm no expert, but I have a few ideas. Make a commitment to change one thing, to show your spouse love in the way that he/she wants to be loved, such as quality time, service, physical affection, words of affirmation, or gifts. Then, do it. It takes work. It might feel unnatural. It probably will feel unnatural. Do it anyway. Nobody likes to change poopy diapers, but it's the vast amount of time that we spend serving our stinky little babies that makes us love them. It's the same with spouses, even when you don't feel like it, it's still a good idea. And just like a stinky diaper, marriages need attention daily, or things just might turn ugly. You probably wouldn't dream of depriving your children of food. Your spouse needs attention too, and not just food and water. He/She needs to know that you love him/her, every day. So, figure out your his/her love language( hopefully it isn't gifts, we don't need hoarding or debt) and do something consciously every day to communicate love in his/her love language.
-Becky (36)
Dear D.G.,
The best way to get closer to your spouse is to serve them. Not just breakfast in bed, and not just during a game of tennis, but everyday, in ways that are important to them. This can be easy, when you and your spouse are compatible in the love languages you speak - and can be very difficult, if the love and service you show is not recognized or received by your spouse because they prefer to be loved and served in a different way.
Another way to become closer to your spouse is to go through a trial with them. This can be something that just happens, or, feel free to create one on your own. For instance, "accidentally" hitting your spouse with your car is sure to break a few bones, and then, you will get to nurse them back to health with all manner of service. They will grow in love and appreciation for you. Slowly poisoning your spouse into sickness, only to help them get better, might also do the trick. Or, calling your spouse's boss repeatedly with annoying remarks until your spouse loses his/her job could create the precise type of financial difficulty you need to bond with and get closer to your spouse, as you eat whatever leftovers you can find in your refrigerator, or the refrigerators of your extended family. Think of the incredible memories you will make together being so hungry, that you are forced to crash wedding receptions every night of the week to simply survive! And in the winter, you can have your water turned off and melt snow in a pan in the house for all of your needs. As they say, these are the best times of your life.
Judd - (38)
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
An Eggstraordinary Questiion
Dear Witterpitted,
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
-Sincerely,
Janice S.
Dear Janice,
Hmm. The chicken, because, first the chicken had a mommy. The mommy laid the chicken in the egg, and that baby who just got laid grew up and that chicken got an egg, and that egg cracked, and the other chicken was Mommy next.
-Emmeline (4)
Dear Janice,
The egg, cause it hasn't hatched yet. Duh.
-Audrey (7)
Dear Janice,
The egg, because dinosaurs had eggs, and there were not chickens back when dinosaurs were alive.
-Clara (8)
Dear Janice,
The chicken came before the chicken egg, but the egg was invented long before the chicken. We had eggs back when the dinosaurs were alive. The chicken was originally placed on the earth as a chicken, and later it laid an egg.
-Tim (13)
Dear Janice,
The egg came first because how would there be a chicken if there wasn't an egg?
-Thomas( 13)
Dear Janice,
As the great leader of the Reuben dynasty would say, " I would most emphatically state that the chicken came before the egg for various obvious reasons." Sadly the great emperor, Reuben the two-hundred and fifty second, died at the moment he said this and the world will never know the incredulously wise reasons he had to convince the world of the fact that they have been misled for thousands of years.
-Reuben (15)
Dear Janice,
The short answer to the question, "Did the chicken come first, or did the egg come first?" is, "Yes." But, you asked, "What came first, the chicken or the egg?" so I can't get away with the simple answer. This circular question has been asked throughout the ages. It's impossible for a chicken egg to just spontaneously appear without first being laid by a chicken. It is equally impossible for a chicken to be created without going through the typical process of growing inside of an egg. So, all funny business aside, this very question could possibly lead one to the conclusion that there is a supreme creator, capable of creating an egg that did not grow in a chicken and a chicken that did not grow in an egg. There is no other reasonable explanation. So, which was it? I subscribe to the theory of a grown up chicken being created because an egg would have needed a chicken to sit on it and a baby chicken would have needed a Mama chicken to survive. Babies need Moms.
-Becky (36)
Dear Janice,
Neither the Chicken or the Egg came first - Adam came first, and he was neither a chicken, or an egg. Truthfully, I've always found this question to be philosophical rather than literal. I suppose those that like to eat eggs, would argue that the egg came first, and those who like Chicken, would argue that chicken came first. As for me, I like to eat both the same, and even at the same meal, and so if I had to choose, I would eat eggs before chicken, simply because they could go bad before the chicken - but ultimately, I would not leave either out too long.
Therefore, the answer to your question is that it does not matter which came first, so long as you consume both within a safe amount of time.
- Judd (38)
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
-Sincerely,
Janice S.
Dear Janice,
Hmm. The chicken, because, first the chicken had a mommy. The mommy laid the chicken in the egg, and that baby who just got laid grew up and that chicken got an egg, and that egg cracked, and the other chicken was Mommy next.
-Emmeline (4)
Dear Janice,
The egg, cause it hasn't hatched yet. Duh.
-Audrey (7)
Dear Janice,
The egg, because dinosaurs had eggs, and there were not chickens back when dinosaurs were alive.
-Clara (8)
Dear Janice,
The chicken came before the chicken egg, but the egg was invented long before the chicken. We had eggs back when the dinosaurs were alive. The chicken was originally placed on the earth as a chicken, and later it laid an egg.
-Tim (13)
Dear Janice,
The egg came first because how would there be a chicken if there wasn't an egg?
-Thomas( 13)
Dear Janice,
As the great leader of the Reuben dynasty would say, " I would most emphatically state that the chicken came before the egg for various obvious reasons." Sadly the great emperor, Reuben the two-hundred and fifty second, died at the moment he said this and the world will never know the incredulously wise reasons he had to convince the world of the fact that they have been misled for thousands of years.
-Reuben (15)
Dear Janice,
The short answer to the question, "Did the chicken come first, or did the egg come first?" is, "Yes." But, you asked, "What came first, the chicken or the egg?" so I can't get away with the simple answer. This circular question has been asked throughout the ages. It's impossible for a chicken egg to just spontaneously appear without first being laid by a chicken. It is equally impossible for a chicken to be created without going through the typical process of growing inside of an egg. So, all funny business aside, this very question could possibly lead one to the conclusion that there is a supreme creator, capable of creating an egg that did not grow in a chicken and a chicken that did not grow in an egg. There is no other reasonable explanation. So, which was it? I subscribe to the theory of a grown up chicken being created because an egg would have needed a chicken to sit on it and a baby chicken would have needed a Mama chicken to survive. Babies need Moms.
-Becky (36)
Dear Janice,
Neither the Chicken or the Egg came first - Adam came first, and he was neither a chicken, or an egg. Truthfully, I've always found this question to be philosophical rather than literal. I suppose those that like to eat eggs, would argue that the egg came first, and those who like Chicken, would argue that chicken came first. As for me, I like to eat both the same, and even at the same meal, and so if I had to choose, I would eat eggs before chicken, simply because they could go bad before the chicken - but ultimately, I would not leave either out too long.
Therefore, the answer to your question is that it does not matter which came first, so long as you consume both within a safe amount of time.
- Judd (38)
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Stinky Teens
Dear WitterPitted,
What is the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower?
-Cheryl L.
Dear Cheryl,
The best way is to force them to take a bath. You force people to take baths. You do this: you make them get naked and then you try to pick them up and put them in the bath. The end.
-Emmeline (4)
Dear Cheryl,
You should say,"If you're smelly, then people will think that you smell gross, because you are, and you'll kind of feel sad because they might plug their nose and walk away while they're playing with you." Oh, and after that you say this,"Blood, blood, blood, their organs. kill, kill, KILL!"
-Audrey( 7)
Dear Cheryl,
Tell them to take a shower or they lose privileges, like things they like to do, like playing outside, playing the computer, or video games.
-Thomas( my cousin, 13)
Dear Cheryl,
The best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is to tell them that they smell horrible, and if they want any more friends or to get married, then they'd better take a shower.
-Clara (8)
Dear Cheryl,
I think the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is:
1. Tell them that you won't wash their clothes until they shower.
2. Tell them they'll have to walk to school until they take a shower every morning, as you do not want their stench in the car.
-Amy (11)
( Note from Becky: I find Amy's answer to be particularly interesting since I do not wash her clothes for her and she walks to the bus to get to school. She has been showering daily without any threats needed for several months now.)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers really actually don't like being dirty. So what you do is you say,"You can either go take a shower, or you can go outside and play in the mud and get super super dirty and then go to bed like that tonight." Because, everyone knows that it is really horrible to go to bed super dirty.
-Tim (13)
Dear Cheryl,
I think I have identified your problem. Your teenagers are secretly cats. They hate getting wet. The best way to get them to take a shower is to throw rubber mice in the shower. Then tell them there is food in the shower. Wink. And then run away! Run away!
-Reuben (15)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers are supposed to take showers? That explains the smell in the basement. Okay, okay, seriously, I can understand this being a problem. I have two teenagers. They do smell. Sorry, boys, but it is true. Usually, as a parent, I like to take a positive approach to help my kids make good choices. Rather than say to my children,"You smell like a port-a-potty that bred with a dead rat. Go take a shower or you don't get dessert tonight." I prefer to say something like this,"My dear child. Your stink doth offend me. Pray, go and shower before the evening meal, and you shall be rewarded with sweet meats and cream."
Please don't throw tomatoes at me when I tell you that I don't usually have a problem getting my boys to shower. When they started to need deodorant I told them," You have to take a shower every day now. You can pick morning or night. You have to wash your hair and use soap on your body. I'm going to be sniffing you, so no getting wet and not actually washing. You smell bad and people are going to make fun of you if don't shower everyday. Maybe it won't happen tomorrow. Maybe not next week. But, it will happen. I promise." And, no, this knowledge is not from personal experience, but from watching the cruelty of Junior High for the few teenagers who didn't get on the clean bandwagon. Soap. It's cool. Use it. We had the talk once. And now they shower. But, if they are ever feeling reluctant, a haircut, without a protective towel, is always sure to lead to a shower. They just can't stand the little hairs all over them! Mu ha ha!
-Becky (36)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers, by and large, are self-absorbed, ego-centric creatures by design. In fact, teaching teens sympathy and empathy for others is, perhaps, the greatest thing we as adults can do to help them develop character as they suffer through the trials of acne, Jr. High, and peer pressure. Most teens are trying out new ideas, thoughts, and self-expression as quickly as small children change outfits in a day. Ideally, teens would take showers more often by appealing to the effect their stench has on all the rest of us, and they would comply because they love us and want to consider our feelings.
However, this rarely works. Instead, you must appeal to that self-centered nature and suggest that their failure to shower will offend some other person near and dear to them - a friend, or girlfriend - or that it will have horrible consequences that will immediately injure one of their current interests, for instance, that they will be fired from their job for not showering, thereby cutting off their money, or they do not get allowance this week because the money they would have received was spent by the family on air fresheners!
Water-balloon fights with shampoo and soap in the balloons might work too.
Judd (38)
Have a question you would like answered? Email witterpitted@gmail.com
What is the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower?
-Cheryl L.
Dear Cheryl,
The best way is to force them to take a bath. You force people to take baths. You do this: you make them get naked and then you try to pick them up and put them in the bath. The end.
-Emmeline (4)
Dear Cheryl,
You should say,"If you're smelly, then people will think that you smell gross, because you are, and you'll kind of feel sad because they might plug their nose and walk away while they're playing with you." Oh, and after that you say this,"Blood, blood, blood, their organs. kill, kill, KILL!"
-Audrey( 7)
Dear Cheryl,
Tell them to take a shower or they lose privileges, like things they like to do, like playing outside, playing the computer, or video games.
-Thomas( my cousin, 13)
Dear Cheryl,
The best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is to tell them that they smell horrible, and if they want any more friends or to get married, then they'd better take a shower.
-Clara (8)
Dear Cheryl,
I think the best way to convince a teenager to take a shower is:
1. Tell them that you won't wash their clothes until they shower.
2. Tell them they'll have to walk to school until they take a shower every morning, as you do not want their stench in the car.
-Amy (11)
( Note from Becky: I find Amy's answer to be particularly interesting since I do not wash her clothes for her and she walks to the bus to get to school. She has been showering daily without any threats needed for several months now.)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers really actually don't like being dirty. So what you do is you say,"You can either go take a shower, or you can go outside and play in the mud and get super super dirty and then go to bed like that tonight." Because, everyone knows that it is really horrible to go to bed super dirty.
-Tim (13)
Dear Cheryl,
I think I have identified your problem. Your teenagers are secretly cats. They hate getting wet. The best way to get them to take a shower is to throw rubber mice in the shower. Then tell them there is food in the shower. Wink. And then run away! Run away!
-Reuben (15)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers are supposed to take showers? That explains the smell in the basement. Okay, okay, seriously, I can understand this being a problem. I have two teenagers. They do smell. Sorry, boys, but it is true. Usually, as a parent, I like to take a positive approach to help my kids make good choices. Rather than say to my children,"You smell like a port-a-potty that bred with a dead rat. Go take a shower or you don't get dessert tonight." I prefer to say something like this,"My dear child. Your stink doth offend me. Pray, go and shower before the evening meal, and you shall be rewarded with sweet meats and cream."
Please don't throw tomatoes at me when I tell you that I don't usually have a problem getting my boys to shower. When they started to need deodorant I told them," You have to take a shower every day now. You can pick morning or night. You have to wash your hair and use soap on your body. I'm going to be sniffing you, so no getting wet and not actually washing. You smell bad and people are going to make fun of you if don't shower everyday. Maybe it won't happen tomorrow. Maybe not next week. But, it will happen. I promise." And, no, this knowledge is not from personal experience, but from watching the cruelty of Junior High for the few teenagers who didn't get on the clean bandwagon. Soap. It's cool. Use it. We had the talk once. And now they shower. But, if they are ever feeling reluctant, a haircut, without a protective towel, is always sure to lead to a shower. They just can't stand the little hairs all over them! Mu ha ha!
-Becky (36)
Dear Cheryl,
Teenagers, by and large, are self-absorbed, ego-centric creatures by design. In fact, teaching teens sympathy and empathy for others is, perhaps, the greatest thing we as adults can do to help them develop character as they suffer through the trials of acne, Jr. High, and peer pressure. Most teens are trying out new ideas, thoughts, and self-expression as quickly as small children change outfits in a day. Ideally, teens would take showers more often by appealing to the effect their stench has on all the rest of us, and they would comply because they love us and want to consider our feelings.
However, this rarely works. Instead, you must appeal to that self-centered nature and suggest that their failure to shower will offend some other person near and dear to them - a friend, or girlfriend - or that it will have horrible consequences that will immediately injure one of their current interests, for instance, that they will be fired from their job for not showering, thereby cutting off their money, or they do not get allowance this week because the money they would have received was spent by the family on air fresheners!
Water-balloon fights with shampoo and soap in the balloons might work too.
Judd (38)
Have a question you would like answered? Email witterpitted@gmail.com
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